Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
