And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize