I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My cat gives me a boner
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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