I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
