Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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