tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
