my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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