there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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