So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
