his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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