You just made me feel so damn special
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
