I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize