nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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