I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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