The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The feeling are messing with the penis
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
