check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
