Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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