i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
