If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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