she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
