Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
