I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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