Welp...herpes.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
