Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
