Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
