Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
