i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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