I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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