how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
