You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
