why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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