loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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