I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
