this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She bit a glass in half.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
