last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
