you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
