just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
