so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We had sex on a dog bed..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
