2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
