I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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