Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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