I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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