can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
