after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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