my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Congratulations! We have a period
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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