Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
