She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Your cock deserves a montage
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
