when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
