yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
