she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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