Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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