I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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