the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
