you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
