maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The adults are the big ones right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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