so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
