She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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