i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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