is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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