I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
