The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize