Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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