I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
