After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
