dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
