It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
