Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
