physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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