"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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